New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the condom got lost in my hair
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
