I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize