White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
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Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
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I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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