Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
