We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
