That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
