I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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