When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
