So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
