she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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