so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
