She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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