we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
