he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Randomize
