how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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