So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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