Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
