i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
