I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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