yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize