it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
