i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
