He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
