Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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