So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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