This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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