why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Drunk is a universal language darling
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize