I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
