I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
