she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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