omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize