you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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