Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can I color on your dick again?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize