I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
