I want to make a zoo with you.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
