the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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