2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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