i wish there were pregnant emoticons
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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