I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
