Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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