Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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