so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
