i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
