We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
