so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
