Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
