She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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