Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
