The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Randomize
