im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
