all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
