I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
