A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
