his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
