Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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