I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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