everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
