I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
