kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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