dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
