We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
