I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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