You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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